Does Father’s Day Equal Fathers' Rights?
· June 1st, 2007
In a society where divorce is constantly rising and children are born out of wedlock on an escalating scale, there is an increasing number of fathers being estranged from their children. It takes commitment and dedication to be a part-time parent, and when obstacles are put in your way, it is often easier simply to walk away.
The sad reality is that studies show that after being divorced for three years, only 30% of fathers will continue to see their children. It is more often than not the wife who will petition for divorce and, in nine out of ten cases involving children, the mother will receive primary care and control of the children.
Fathers argue for equal access and equal rights, thus the Father’s Rights movement is gathering momentum around the world. Indeed a report entitled, “Mama's Property, Daddy's Child” , (prepared on behalf of the Bermudian father’s rights group, Childwatch) has recently been discussed in Parliament.
But is it just a case of the mothers being difficult? In today’s society despite the female work force increasing, at home, mothers continue to carry the burden of the day-to-day child care and look after the family household. If this is the situation pre-separation, then is it fair that fathers should claim they have equal rights afterwards?
An added reality is that a lot of mothers feel very strongly that if fathers do not bother to pay any child support, then they should not be able to see the children. Taking responsibility for a child does indeed include financially supporting them and, to be an effective parent, fathers must take responsibility. However is it fair that absent fathers should be allowed to cherry pick the aspects of responsibility that they want and leave the rest to the mother?
In England, child support and visitation rights do not go hand in hand. Some fathers pay nothing but have access orders for their children. Others are not allowed to see their children but are ordered to financially support them.
In Bermuda, the family courts tend to deal with both aspects together. This method provides a better forum for achieving justice in the minds of the parents. You pay for your child, you see your child and it relieves some of the festering bitterness.
When a mother is being deliberately difficult about access, it is usually because she is unable to separate it from her own feelings of resentment towards the father. Her only weapon is to withhold access to his children. So what should a father in this position do? Most important, he should try to talk to the mother. He should put down in writing what access he would like, how often, who will collect and return the children etc. If the mother is still not responsive to this, the father should consult with a lawyer to discuss his legal options. Lawyers should not automatically make an application to court. They try to negotiate an arrangement that is fair and workable, without the need for the children to become caught up in court proceedings. If this does not succeed, however, then a father is left with no option but to apply to the courts for recourse.
Ultimately, the only way to ensure that children have a relationship with both of their parents is for the parents to work together towards a peaceful co-existence. Until they are able to put the needs and rights of their children first, peace will be hard to come by.
This column should not be used as a substitute for legal advice. Before proceeding with any matters discussed here, persons are advised to consult with a lawyer.